Find Your Tribe

When someone you love gets cancer, people mean well.

They really do.

They'll tell you they're sorry. They'll tell you they're praying. They'll check in. They'll offer help.

And we are incredibly grateful for every bit of it.

But sometimes, even the best intentions can feel overwhelming.

At that point, we didn't need everyone to remind us that David had cancer.

We needed comfort.

We needed normalcy.

We needed laughter.

We needed people who knew us before cancer entered the room.

We needed to be surrounded by the people who would love us, accept us, and stand beside us no matter what storm we were about to face.

The Friday we learned David had cancer I went out with a former co-worker to chat...about anything but cancer. That same night, my best friend from high school drove an hour to just sit and talk with me. That night, after David was off work, we didn't talk about cancer. We didn't have a pity party.

Instead, we watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Honestly, that might have been exactly what we needed.

That weekend happened to be Labor Day weekend, which meant we had an extra day to process the news.

On one hand, that gave us more time to breathe.

On the other hand, it gave us an extra day to sit with very little information and let our minds wander straight into every possible worst-case scenario.

The words “the biopsy came back positive for cancer” don't exactly leave much room for peace of mind.

The following weekend, we left our worries and fears behind and spent time with the people who know us best—David's childhood friends.

His hometown was hosting its annual festival, complete with a parade and live music. So we drove down, and we didn't talk about cancer.

We didn't need to.

We needed to be around the people who have known us for years. The people who will have our backs no matter what. The people who could give us a few hours where we could just be David and Andrea again.

And because apparently, we weren't quite done pretending it was still summer, I have to give a huge shout-out to Huck's Harbor Water Park in Burlington, Iowa.

While most people had already packed away their swimsuits for the year, we hopped into the lazy river. With David's best friend by our side, we floated around for hours without a care in the world.

Just...being us.

Did I mention we also saw Brantley Gilbert live?

Because if we're going to temporarily escape reality, we might as well do it properly.

Cancer was still there.

The fear was still there.

The unknown was still there.

But for that weekend, so were the laughs, the music, the lazy river, the friendships, and the memories.

When you or someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, it's easy to shut down. It's easy to retreat, cancel plans, and let the diagnosis become the only thing you can think about.

Sometimes you need to do that. Sometimes you need to grieve, be scared, be angry, and simply process what just happened.

But when you're ready, make the memories.

Because when the hard days come—and they will—those memories become little reminders that cancer is only one part of your story.

We weren't ignoring what was happening.

We were reminding ourselves that there was still a life to live while we figured out how to navigate it.

I want to emphasize something that has become really important to us:

Don't change your plans just because someone you love has cancer.

They aren't made of glass. They don't suddenly become fragile just because they have a diagnosis. They are still the same person they were before the word cancer entered the conversation—still capable, still determined, and still full of the will to fight.

Of course, there will be days when plans need to change. There will be appointments, treatments, exhaustion, and days when getting off the couch is an accomplishment all by itself.

But when you can, keep living.

Oktoberfest is always on our dance card when it comes to things to do in September. Since I'm still recovering from a concussion, I asked David's best man to join us for a day at Adventureland for their annual Oktoberfest.

David summed up the day perfectly in a social media post:

There are going to be tough days ahead. When you have a group of people—or, as I call them, our tribe—you can conquer anything!

There are going to be tough days ahead. We know that.

That's why having our tribe around us matters so much.

And I can't talk about our day at Adventureland Oktoberfest without highlighting what the guys were most excited about all day:

Mini Kiss.

Yes. Mini Kiss.

Because apparently nothing says, “Let's make the most of life while dealing with a cancer diagnosis,” quite like watching a miniature KISS tribute band.

And honestly?

That, my friends, is how you make memories and live life to the fullest.!

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